I have not had alcohol in 10 days.

I fucking hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it how do you all exist sober for any amount of time how can you experience anything without it being tainted by fantasizing about chugging a bottle of wine.

I feel even more male, even more bitter, even more irrationally hateful towards anyone that is trans and looks better than me, it's shit, there is no improvement whatsoever in any way but i have to do it because i promised my bf that i will stop drinking i hate it i hate it i hate it I WANT ALCOHOL I NEED A DRINK RIGHT NOW I NEED A BOTTLE I NEED SEVERAL BOTTLES I CAN'T FUCKING TAKE THIS I AM TOO AWARE OF EVERY THOUGHT IN MY HEAD AND EVERY BIT OF MY DISGUSTING MOID BODY NO I WON'T TAKE E YOU SMARMY PASSOID """""MANMODER""""" PIECE OF SHIT OR YOU INVASIVE POST-FETAL 15 YEAR OLD, NO I WON'T I CAN'T YOU STUPID FUCK WHY AM I HERE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA