I've been avoidant and I Know It's Ruining Relationships

Update below!!

I flamed out really bad at the end of the Spring semester--the one I needed to finish my MA degree. I had great support from my advisor and professors--they arranged 'incomplete' grades for me and gave me more time to finish my final projects during the summer.

Thing is, I wasn't able to do much--and this isn't me being critical of my work, I was having panic attacks any time I saw down to work. I tried so many things (I'm an academic writing consultant with plenty of pedagogical theory under my belt) but it all felt terrible.

I turned in incomplete projects--just grasping for points really. I don't know the results at all and I haven't tried to look.

My advisor has emailed twice now...and I can't bring myself to open the emails. I have the tab open right now--inbox has bloomed to 85 new (mostly spam) because I'm too anxious to look at my inbox. But I REALLY need to--he's been a great support and I don't want to burn this bridge.

Not currently in therapy (looking is the worst) and I don't really have anyone I feel safe talking to about this stuff.

Just looking for some nudges--psychological hand squeezes--to take the edge off the anxiety.

TIA.

Update:

I got through it! It was a very helpful message filled with gently handled concern for me. It took another few hours, but I was able to write a reply and this time I gave the okay for texting me—as avoidant as I am, my phone is unavoidable now that I live across the country from my parents and my spouse travels for work.

Thank you for the support everyone! It was immensely comforting and was the understanding nudges I needed to brave the anxiety 🧡