My husband when triggered is an a**h***

My partner (33M) and I (33F) have ADHD. He gets triggered with just about anything. When he’s triggered he’s a total ass. He is not interested in therapy and as a previous drug user he is not interested in being medicated due to fear of becoming dependent on medication.

We says it’s the lack of communication but he’s just not flexible in any way.

For example: if I pick up the kids from daycare and he’s on his way to pick them up as well he will be angry with me for the rest of the day. He aggressively starts cleaning, will mutter crap under his breath and he short with me. All from me getting off work and trying to do my part.

He does stuff like this too and I don’t over react the way he does.

I know it’s all his mom’s doing too. She triggers him so much but she does it on purpose. I can’t help but feel like he sees her in me and he gets defensive.

We have two kids and a home together. He gets triggered by anything the kids do from crying to making a mess.

He’s super sweet and loving. He cares for me and loves me and treats me like a queen. He has even drawn boundaries with his mom (due to her mistreating me).

I don’t know what to do. Any advice from someone that naturally reacts with anger even if they don’t mean to?