Everything is a mess

I’m 42 years old, and on the outside everything seems relatively perfect - beautiful house, married, successful career, wonderful child…but it’s all a house of cards waiting to crumble at any second: Finances: mess. We’re broke, pretty much. Every paycheck is just catching up on the overdrafts from the last week. Marriage: abusive Emotions: mess I’m a serial procrastinator and I feel like many times I lack common sense. My spouse points this out to me often. I don’t have any routines and am often in reactive/fix it mode, instead of planning and preparing. I actually do hate planning and preparing, I think it’s rigid and boring. I’m working with a therapist on these issues, but I still feel like I’m one small step away from ruin. I don’t know how to fix myself so I can deal with challenges. I don’t have any family (parents dead, my other family has been alienated by my partner and they have given up), and barely any friends (same reason). I try and try, but it’s not enough. I don’t know what to do. I am immensely grateful for the things I’ve been given in life. While at the core, things are ok (I have food, water, shelter, the love of my child and pets), I need to function as an adult in society, and I can’t.