I’m trans (FTM) but I’m having doubts after 5 years…

Okay so to start off I’m 16 I came out as trans when I was 12. I came out as trans because I liked boys clothes and liked acting like a tough guy. I truly believe that I’m trans but I also don’t. I used to think“what if I had a penis? It would be so cool!” But now it’s “I miss the girl clothes… I miss my hair, I miss heels I miss everything.” It’s just that most of the time I wish I could go back to being a girl but I know I will get called very harsh things if I do and it’s just really scary. Because after 5 years why am I still thinking about this. I’ve been thinking about this for about 2 years now. Ever since I saw myself with a girl wig on with long hair I’ve just missed it. I just miss the way I looked and acted but at the same time I don’t want to stop dressing like I don’t care and sometimes acting like a hotshot. I feel like if I admit that I’m no longer trans I feel like I told one big lie and everyone will see me as a weirdo. Or worse a liar. And what if I still get called “tranny”. High school can be brutal but it’s even worse when your different. I’m even so scared to tell my mom because she accepted me and believed I was trans when I didn’t fully feel like it. My dad though, he never believed it. He always knew something was off and I think I did this to make him mad because he kept leaving me and my brothers. It’s just scary to realize something after being something different. I feel like I should just keep the act up until high school is over. It’s only 2 years. Then I can say I don’t feel that way anymore. What do I do. Should I admit to my mom and my dad that didn’t believe me in the first place? I’m scared of what might happen if I do, what if they just laugh and tell me “I knew you weren’t” I’m so scared of that happening because when it comes to honesty my family is BRUTAL. What should I do?