my girlfriend slept with someone else

I never thought it would happen but it did

ive been reading all these stories about everyones experiences and all of them really have similar answers. “forget about it and move on”. but all the advice ive gotten from others is very biased so far and it would really help to see what people say about it with just knowing the facts about it. its a long story but i hope at least one person will take the time to read this

im a 20 year old aspiring artist, i enjoy piano and at the moment i’m trying get my grades up to get my degree in music. about a year ago i moved out and rented my own apartment chasing that dream. i was 18, and I was very naïve of what it really meant to be living by yourself and to be honest, I wasn’t ready. it’s like every day I would wake up, knowing what’s best for myself, but I would still end up not doing it, get demotivated and i would kind of like just waist my time. looking back at it I think it’s just a common case of self sabotage but i just cant give a clear reason why. and i would end up wasting a whole year. i’ve also been actively struggling with a weed addiction so that could be a huge factor and at the moment of writing this its been 9 days since i smoked anything. but its hard. enough back story about myself, but heres how she got involved.

at first it was only sex. Like most relations are, but over time i fell in love with the person she was and the things she would do for me. i’m very unorganized but she would do everything in her power to help me out. it could be with classes. helping out cleaning and even offered to help with groceries and my own bills. whatever i was lacking on she tried her hardest to fill that void and help. i could probably write a whole novel about how many good things she did for me. but like i said i would never really capitalize on things for myself and she had some idea about this, but really didn’t know i was struggling badly.

my mother loves me alot. and i know she wants the absolute best for me. when she figured that out i ruined a hole year she was very disappointed because she really invested alot for me. i would basically tell her the same things I’m telling this subreddit and my addiction of course. and not to blame her for anything at all but it was her that was the one that thought my girlfriend was a distraction and she told her face to face to leave her and myself alone. to this day i blame myself for it and i feel bad that she got accused for my mistakes when all she did was care for my wellbeing.

despite all that she still communicated and told me she was willing to wait for me till i get my life together…. so that’s exactly what i did. i moved back with my mom, enrolled in another school in another city and things were starting to actually make progress for me as a person again. Me and her whould keep in touch regularly but it wasn’t like the connection that we had before and i could tell it frustrated the both of us. Now looking back at it i think we just weren’t ready to handle long distance relationships and the fact that we had to keep our relationship secret from my own mother.

If you stuck around this far i really applaud you, but now were really getting into the “meat and potatoes” of my life. when i was going through exams there was one point in were we just stopped talking for about two weeks due to just how focused and busy i was with other things. and surprising enough, thats when one of my neighbours told her that i had a girl over and wanted to know if we are still together. God is my witness and i don’t even recall any of that happening. perhaps it could’ve been a friend of my mothers or a relative but i honestly don’t know how he came up with that.

im on vacation right now with my family. me and her were on the phone talking about the future and trust and thats when she told me she made a huge mistake and told me that got really drunk and had a one night stand with some dude from a bar. she said that this was because of what my neighbour told her in combination of me ignoring her for two weeks. i was completely speechless and heart broken. but part of me understood the reason why she did it.

she said that she still loves me but doesn’t expect for me to take her back. she has given me all the time in the world to think about things and to be honest, i have no clue what to do

i just miss her and how things used to be even though i didn’t deserve it. can somebody please respond with some words of wisdom because im going completely crazy.