AITA for telling my mother she hasn't been a mother to me?
When I (23f) was 11 years old, my parents divorced. There was no cheating or scandal involved, they just weren’t a good match (my mother being very emotional and sensitive and my father being a rather rational and cold person). My father moved out and me and my little sister stayed with our mother, who fell into depression after the divorce. She stopped doing the household and just laid in her bed for hours after work. So at a fairly young age, I started to care for the house. I cooked, I cleaned, I did laundry, I made sure my sister did her homework. Since my mother didn’t want to lose her face in public, she acted as if everything was normal. Nobody knew about her depression. On the outside she put on a happy face, but at home she would just cry and lay around. Since I was always occupied with housework or caring for my little sister, I didn’t have much time or energy to make any friends. I became a social outcast at school and experienced some brutal bullying. I never told anybody about it.
Things got better when I was 15 and my mother met my stepfather. He is an amazing person and helped her get back on her feet and took over the majority of the house work. With this I was finally able to have some free time and make friends. At this point, I was already functioning independently and as my mother was getting better, she wanted to actually parent me, which obviously didn’t work. We fought a lot I chose to go live with my father. Even though my father isn’t the most loving person, he always made sure I had what I needed and he respected me. I’ve lived there for 3 more years and got my own apartment when I turned 18. During that time I would visit my mother once or twice a month and we stayed friendly, but never got close. I resented her for what she put me through.
Now that my sister has also moved out, my mother and stepfather want to move abroad to a tropical country on the other side of the world. They have planned everything for over a year, sold almost all their stuff and are leaving next month. I am genuinely happy for them.
Two weeks ago, I found out that I got pregnant by my long term boyfriend and we are really excited. I told my mother and she started crying because she won’t see the baby when it’s born or be a proper grandmother because she doesn’t want to return to the “place that made her depressed” and I don’t want to fly around the globe with a baby. This is where I might be the AH. I told her it’s her decision to move to the other side of the world and I didn’t expect her to want to be a grandmother. She asked why and I said because you haven’t even been a mother. She tried to defend herself and said she was depressed and couldn’t do any better during that time, which is hard, but she could’ve asked for help and not expect an 11 year old to do everything. She then called me a heartless B and hasn’t talked to me since. I am wondering AITA?