AITK for refusing to let my 67-year-old chacha’s 22-year-old astrologer tortoise predict my married life at my 104-year-old ancestral home?

So, I (30M) am getting married in a few weeks at my 104-year-old ancestral home in Udaipur, which still has its original 86-year-old wooden doors and a 73-year-old ceiling fan that sounds like a 52-year-old tractor. Everything was fine until my chacha (67M) insisted that his 22-year-old astrologer tortoise, Acharya Kachhua Prasad, should predict the future of my marriage before I enter the 83-year-old mandap.

For context, Kachhua Prasad has been in our family since 2002 (23 years ago), and apparently, he has "divine insight." Chacha claims he predicted the 2008 recession (17 years ago), Kohli’s 2016 IPL form (9 years ago), and my cousin’s 2010 divorce (15 years ago). The method? Chacha places four pieces of 12-year-old paan leaves on the floor, each representing a different future, and whichever one Kachhua Prasad crawls to first determines my fate.

I laughed it off, but my bua (61F) and dadi (89F) started guilt-tripping me, saying "Beta, shadi ke pehle aise sanket ignore nahi karne chahiye." Meanwhile, my father (63M) is pissed and asking why we’re taking life advice from a tortoise who once got stuck under the fridge (14 years ago) for two days.

Now things have escalated. Chacha has created a WhatsApp group called "Bhavishya Ka Sach" (5 months old), where my extended family (including random Mausaji I haven’t met in 10 years) is discussing whether I am "inviting bad karma." My pandit (64M, who already thinks my kundali is ‘average at best’ for the past 28 years) is confused because someone paid him ₹9,999 in ₹10 coins (minted 12 years ago) to perform a special havan for "tortoise wisdom." Meanwhile, my wedding caterer (48M) is asking why there's a request for a low-sodium satvik thaali (recipe from 1973) specifically for a 22-year-old reptile.

AITA for refusing to let a very old, possibly omniscient tortoise determine my marital future before I even get to the mandap?

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