Story so far.. Dilatation as a last hope

Hey guys,

First time posting on here but been reading a lot of your stories on here and all i have to say is that fissures really do suck big time 😩🥲

Chronic sufferer myself of over 8 months now. Tried most of the usual stuff, still taking miralax daily and using rectogesic which along with anal massage is what has helped the most so far i think.

Weirdly after the first 3 months of constant pain and about 1 month post starting rectogesic, i went away on holiday for about a month and literally had no issues? Don’t get me wrong could still feel the fissure after BM’s but pain didn’t last long at all and no spasms etc. Continued with the miralax and rectogesic but things were really looking up, spent most of my days not even thinking about the fissure. Lo and behold first day back in the UK passed a big BM think due to the flight messing with my bowels and thought i’d retore as was in a fair amount of pain but no blood. Anyway tried not to get too down and carried on. A few days later i went abroad again for another 2 weeks (yes busy summer!) and again literally hardly no pain at all whilst i was away? Came back to UK and pain started pretty much next day after what i thought was a normal BM too. Point of mentioning this is really don’t know if it’s a coincidence or if there is more of an mental element than i ever thought. I do suffer from anxiety and back to UK has meant back to everyday stresses etc, don’t know if it’s all linked.

About 4 months later now and things are just so up and down, some days i’ll be okay, others horrible pain and spasms lasting hours. It’s got the point where i can’t even pinpoint if it’s the BM’s making things worse which doesn’t help. Still taking miralax to try keep it soft down there and continuing rectogesic but on my 4th tube now and really don’t know if it is actually doing anything, or if it ever was. GP has referred me to CRS but with state of NHS honestly don’t know how long i’ll be waiting and really dreading the thought of surgery. Also heard as a woman if you haven’t had kids surgeons are quite reluctant to do LIS which has the highest success rate.

So this comes to my final hope, dilatation. I have been massaging with my finger for a few months now which has helped the blood flow i think, but never tried anything bigger. Bought some pelvic floor dilators and tried the smallest one today. Boy it was scary and i’m very scared of tearing the fissure further. Obviously too early to tell whether it’s done any good or damage but gonna take it slow and give it a shot for a few weeks at least. To anyone who’s had success- how many times a day and for how long do you dilate? And how long did it take to see results? Any advice appreciated. Really does feel like a chore to do but if it works i’ll take whatever.

Sorry for the long post, and thank you for listening to my story. Hope we all manage to heal from this horrible condition. Never did i imagine that such a small thing could cause so much pain and anxiety!