Finding a cleaner who meets the standards of a fanatical old wog

Does anyone have any idea where you can find a cleaner who can keep a fanatical old wog happy?

My Nunna is slowing down enough that she needs a cleaner so that people can continue to be dazzled by her stone lions, Corinthian columns and snow-blindness inducing white tiled floors.

I was sent to find a cleaner, under strict instructions that they must be Maltese, Italian or Greek (who else understands the intricacies of cleaning the front garden Virgin Mary grotto and fountain?).

I found an Italian lady and thought it was sorted.

Nunna’s feedback after the first clean:

‘She has Italian surname, but cleans like Awstralijan. No good. That dirty woman not come back in my house’.

Do I have any option other than quitting my job and becoming her cleaner? 😂