Gay loneliness

I am gay male, late 30s, who is clean-cut and professional and seeking the same. I was a late bloomer and admit that I messed up opportunities to connect with other guys when I wasn't ready. But now I am out. I have a supportive family and friends. I'm lucky with that part. But there is still a deep void and loneliness inside me. It hurts to see others be able to experience things in life that I have been unable to and to be alone on many nights. I am on the dating apps but those are very depressing and haven't had much luck beyond a few dates. I've been on there a while and at some point I start seeing the same people and it seems they can't find anyone either. We've all seen each other's profiles and yet remain on the market.

I am pushing myself to attend social events for gays, but I sometimes find it difficult to connect with the community. I feel like a fish out of water at these events as I'm traditional and buttoned down in style, whereas I see many who are not. Friends and family keep telling me people like me are out there but I can't seem to connect with them. I've also been advised to be positive and push yourself outside your comfort zone. I have been trying to do that but I haven't had much success and so that is depressing.

How do professional gay men meet each other? Is it that difficult to meet similar guys who are interested in long-term monogamous relationships? Would appreciate any advice.