Stop Romanticizing Arranged Marriages, They’re a Product of Patriarchy

I am tired of people romanticizing arranged marriages as some kind of “wholesome tradition” or “proof that love grows over time.” factually, arranged marriages are fundamentally a product of patriarchy, designed to control women’s autonomy, choices, and futures while keeping power firmly in the hands of men and families.

Arranged marriages didn’t emerge from some deep wisdom about love and compatibility. They came from a time when women were treated as property, married off to secure alliances, maintain family honor, or ensure economic stability. And let’s not pretend this is ancient history, it’s still happening today, with families coercing, pressuring, and emotionally manipulating their children (mostly daughters) into marriages they didn’t freely choose.

The worst part? People act like it’s progressive just because modern arranged marriages now include a "get-to-know-each-other phase" or a “choice” between two or three suitors. That’s not choice. That’s controlled selection. It’s like being handed a menu in a restaurant where you didn’t even choose to dine.

And don’t even get me started on how this disproportionately affects women. The pressure to be “good wife material”, to accept whatever match their family deems fit, to prioritize marriage over education, career, or personal freedom it’s exhausting. Meanwhile, men are given more say, more leniency, and more freedom to reject. The double standard is glaring.

Yes, some arranged marriages work out, but that’s despite the system, not because of it. Forced proximity and societal pressure should not be mistaken for love. Just because someone “eventually falls in love” doesn’t mean the system is fair, it just means they adapted to their reality.

It’s time to stop sugarcoating arranged marriages as “just another way to find love.” No, they are a relic of a patriarchal past, and the sooner we stop treating them as equal to free choice marriages, the better. If marriage is supposed to be about love and partnership, then the first requirement should be actual, enthusiastic, pressure free consent ,not family approved negotiations.

Edit:

It’s interesting how every time women discuss how patriarchy affects them, the conversation gets derailed into "but men too." Yes, patriarchy has negative effects on men as well, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have a discussion specifically about how it impacts women, especially in a women-oriented space. If you want to discuss how patriarchy harms men, you’re free to start your own post.

Hypergamy, which some of you keep bringing up, is not an independent force, it’s a direct product of patriarchy. When women were historically denied financial independence and social mobility, they were forced to seek security in marriage. That’s not some "female preference" that just exists in a vacuum, it’s a survival mechanism created by the same patriarchal system that benefits men. So blaming women for "expecting better" while ignoring the structures that made them dependent in the first place is just bad faith.

Also, many of you are claiming this discussion is biased because it connects historical injustices to modern realities. But how do you think we got here? You can’t separate the past from the present when the effects of patriarchal norms are still deeply embedded in our society. Ignoring history just because it’s inconvenient to the argument doesn't make the discussion more objective, it makes it incomplete.

If you feel this post doesn’t cover the issues you want to discuss, make your own post instead of trying to dictate how this one should be framed.