Dated someone for four months before substance abuse and mental health became prevalent. Not sure of his actual feelings?

We were seeing each other for 4 months and things were going really well until his depression and drinking set in January.

He was drinking a whole fifth and doing 6+ grams of cocaine, and disappearing for days on end.

He started AA, which he didn’t stick with, and my friend would invite him to weekly dinners that he kept showing up to.

I finally confronted him and said I didn’t know what was going on, and I put some space there, but did not know if I had made the right or wrong decision since he seemed to keep showing up and I didn’t know if it was because he still had feelings for me.

So he said to me then that I was one of the best things to happen to him, but he didn’t want to drag me down with him. He was sorry for involving me in something that he clearly wasn’t ready for and not in a space for, but that he had feelings and wasn’t ready.

3 weeks since this conversation goes by, and I pull up to our mutual friend’s house at the same time this white SUV does. He had broke sobriety for the second time in 45ish days.

I see him get out, and I told him I was going to take off, I didn’t know he’d be there. He says “did you just tell me to fuck off?” I said no, I said I’m going to go. Told him that I don’t know what to say, I told him I cared and it’s weird now and I know he didn’t want to be around me earlier.

(For context, I was hanging out with our mutual friend prior and having a beer. John calls our friend and our friend says “hey, I’m hanging with Allison, do you care if she comes?” And I hear “absolutely not.”)

He says I’m sorry, I’ve been the asshole. I’m sorry I hurt you. I knew you were guarded and I should have listened to you. I shouldn’t have dragged you into my bullshit.

Effectively over an hour conversation, here is what i gleaned. He said he had feelings, still does, but he walled them off. Essentially, they’re no longer romantic, doesn’t think it will ever circle back to that. He doesn't know why, it was when he was shutting all his feelings off and everyone out on the bender in February.

It's just what he does. It's how he handles things. He shuts it out, cuts it off and moves on.

So I said to him I’m sorry if I ever hurt him. Then he says to me, oh you never hurt me. And I said well the rational side of this is that there are 2 in a tango. So I would have a level of fault.

He says, it had nothing to do with me. If anything, my fault was for letting myself open up to him. He said he wanted to be ready and he wanted to try with me because it was a good thing and the right thing for him to do at the time, but he was forcing that because he knew he couldn't do any of what needed to be done. He's not in the right place, and if anything, everything felt good and safe, but also that he thinks he could have used me to make myself feel happy and obviously that didn’t work, and he still wasn't dealing with anything so it all fell apart.

So I said to him, do you ever think about what happened between us? He says, All the time, I think about what could be and what it is, but I fucked it up. But recognizes that he could do more work there, but he’s not getting therapy, and doesn’t really communicate and can’t hold a relationship.

So, the only regret he has is that he fucked me over this way and didn't want to do that. And he shouldn’t have slept with me because I was honest with him in the fact that I didn’t want to fuck around and he could tell I was starting to fuck around with him.

He says to me, he still wants me in his life because I’m important to him, and he still wants to see me. He thinks about what it could be, but this is what it is and he was going to disappear as soon as he got out of the car. His plan is to be moving out of town. That’s his plan. He’s working, grinding it out, paying his debts and bailing.

So I said to him, I don’t understand how you tell me the feelings are still there but that you don’t have them at the same time.

TLDR; Dated someone for 4 months whose addiction reared its head in January-February. Put distance and he kept showing up to things my friend would invite him to. Asked what was going on, and he said he had feelings but wasn’t ready for in the right place for anything. Says he had feelings but walled them off so they’re not romantic or sexual anymore. Asked how you can say you do and don’t have feelings? His response was wish I could explain it. I can’t, it’s just what I do. They are still there but he doesn't know what to do and he knows he can't. He thinks about it all of the time but he knows that he’s not going to get therapy and he could do more work there, but it’s easier for him to just wall it off and move on and he was sorry for hurting me and wish he wouldn’t have involved me in something he clearly wasn’t ready for or in the right place.

I don’t really understand what that all means. Anyone got advice? Does the dude have feelings for me or no? Opinions in this?