Getting a divorce and I'm scared

I'm 33 and have been with him since I was 19. We've gone through so much together, good and bad. But we've changed.

He's angrier with a shorter fuse now. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells a lot and as a defense mechanism, I shut down when he gets angry, which I know isn't healthy. I never learned how to de-escalate conflict nor how to talk through them. Problems got swept under the rug. He's dealing with health issues which makes working difficult, and adds to our stress since we depend on my income (leading to him feeling less than- his opinion).

It came to a head when I told him (out of hurt and desperation) that I couldn't be in a relationship where I get called names and I won't bring kids into a relationship like this. He got angry, packed a bag and left. It's been 10 days. We've messaged but he's full of anger. Writing messages and deleting them before I can read them. Saying we're incompatible, want different things in life/future (which I think isn't true but he doesn't believe me). I'm not proud of this but I said "okay. We tried. Goodnight" and the next morning, seeing a bunch of deleted messages, deleted all the messages that I sent (petty, I know. Like I said, not proud of it). He's upset and basically said I always make everything worse, goodbye and blocked me.

I'm scared of the future. I thought we'd have kids together and now I have no one. I'm scared of being alone. And I'm scared for him. He's got nothing, no money, no prospects, no friends/support system.

I want him to come home and hold me. But he comes back, the cycle just repeats. There is no alternative but divorce. He won't try counseling with me. I'm sorry for the jumbled rant. I haven't told anyone yet and I'm hurting.

Edit: thank you everyone for the kind words and support. I appreciate everyone taking the time to respond. It makes me feel less alone for sure. Sorry to those that are going through the same thing. I hope we all get to a happier place soon like those that shared their story and are in better places now. I'm going to keep re-reading these messages and stay strong (as corny as that sounds).