Husband asked for a separation

My husband asked for a separation this morning. I am at work trying to keep it together. We have been together for 20 years and 2/1 would be our 7th year married. He hasn’t talked to me for the last two weeks. He had said he didn’t know what he wants but he wanted me to leave him alone. I gave him some space. Now he says he wants a separation for “preservation of self”. He said he just woke up one morning and he just felt done with everything. He doesn’t know if it’s because he is turning 40 soon or what.

He hasn’t been happy for a long time. He comes home angry, tells me I’m annoying him. I told him we haven’t been connecting and I miss him. He says that I bought him down because I wasn’t motivated to want more. I love my small family and I did everything I could do to keep them happy. Marriage counseling is off the table. He won’t do it. 2 years ago I followed him to a very high COLA so he could accept his dream job. We have a five year old and I wanted my family to stay together, so I moved a year after he did.

Now I can’t even afford the rent in the area we live. I am devastated because I just don’t know what to do or how I am supposed to afford everything. I don’t have any friends or family here that can help me. I feel lost and abandoned and scared. I feel angry because he gets to just live life and go to the gym and go out when he wants, while I struggle because he needs to figure things out. He says he doesn’t want a divorce because things might be better after a separation. But that makes me feel like I’m just an option and I have to hang around to see if he wants me back.

I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I want to leave work and go home. But I don’t even have a home to go to anymore. If you got this far, thanks for reading my vent and rambling.

Edit: I am so appreciative of everyone taking the time out to share their words. I am grateful for all of you. I felt silly for a posting a vent, but I was at work and struggling and literally had no one to talk to.

A few things I guess I left out but came up in a lot of comments: -Affair- I honestly don’t know. I’ve suspected it before but I can’t find any evidence to support it. He did say that there wasn’t anyone involved. There’s no one he wants to be with. I asked if he wanted to see other people and he said no. He did say that my family will probably think that’s the reason for the separation. - I live in SoCal. We rent right now and I can’t afford to take over the rent here. I literally don’t make enough to pay rent and pay for other bills. He does not want to live together through the separation. - we do own a home in the south east coast. To make a long story short, we racked up too many bills dealing with the house and repairs and what not. We were going to do a cash out refi but since we don’t live in the house, we don’t qualify. So now he wants to sell. My only hope is there is enough money after paying everything off to put in my pocket so I can afford an apartment in my own. But I don’t know if he is willing to wait that long for the house to sell.

It really means a lot to me for you all to show your support.