Feeling like a crappy mom.

My beautiful boy is 6 months old, and sleep has been absolute garbage for about 3 months now. He’s usually up every 2 hours; every hour on a bad night, every 3 on a good night. He goes to bed in his crib in our room for the first part of the night, and usually comes into our bed later on into the night. The past week or so, getting him to go to sleep in his crib has been a fight, taking upwards of 30 minutes and a lot of on and off tears in between rocking/feeding him and trying to put him into his crib.

Tonight was extra hard—he cried harder than normal, I wasn’t putting up with it as well and was getting super frustrated. Normally, I understand his desire to be close to me and am happy to cuddle him until he’s feeling ready to go into his crib, but tonight, I just felt so frustrated and angry. I hate that I felt that way about my baby needing comfort. He was crying so much and nothing seemed to help and I didn’t know what to do, and I wanted to just leave him in his crib and walk away because I was so frustrated. I know to my core that I don’t want to sleep train him, but in that moment it felt like leaving him in his crib to cry was the only option because I didn’t know how to help him.

I ended up tagging my husband in to swap and he ended up getting baby to sleep. Now I’m sitting here feeling like a crap mom because I wasn’t patient enough to help my son to sleep like he needed, and the last time I saw him before he went to bed I was frustrated and angry. Not necessarily at him—he’s just a baby and it’s not intentional/not his fault—but just with the scenario. Still, I feel awful that the last time my baby saw me before he went to sleep, I hastily plopped his screaming little self into his Dads arms and walked away. Now I just want to go pick him up and give him the cuddle he was so badly wanting. Ugh, this is hard and I feel like crap.