“I don’t like your tone”

What’s your reply to this?

I’ve heard this mainly from authority figures. It goes like this: They ask me a question. I give a detailed response to explain my answer. They say they don’t like my tone of voice and or that I need to be more respectful. I’m confused because I know I didn’t say anything rude about them or the situation. Then they expect me to apologize and change my attitude.

I’m done with this. I’m sick of trying to see things from someone else’s perspective instead of them being considerate and trying to see mine. I’m a people pleaser and always apologize when I say or do something wrong. But in this case? It feels wrong to apologize when I think I haven’t done anything wrong. Commenting on my tone offends me, and I’m not going to want to tell you that there might be times I don’t modulate my tone correctly because I’m autistic.

My reply was something along the lines of “Well, you’ve said some nasty things to me and I’m just trying to explain myself in response. If you have an issue with my work, call my manager or file a work ticket. Goodbye.” To quote, she said, “I don’t like your shitty tone of voice.” My brain freezes the second someone starts swearing at me.

Also, this kind of thing sticks with me for DAYS! I hate that! I called my manager right away to report the incident, she’s on my side. I talked about it with friends and such and it still bugs me. How do I let this sort of thing go?

(Newly diagnosed with Autism and ADHD this year, it was a shock and I’m learning so much)