Can someone help me?

Do somebody feel like killing themselves and actually have the urge to be suicidal? Like, almost everyday? Because at this point, I feel like it's getting more harder to suppress that feeling even though I wanted to change it since I have been having it for a decade. I'm turning into a young adult this year and ever since I was a kid, I was strongly thinking about strangling myself to death which should be weird but felt normal to me. At times, I really really really want it to happen, but today? I have a mix feeling of not wanting to do it because it's fucking tiring, and wanting to do it because it's an everyday occurrence, apparently. Also, my brain is like making it all normal for me because I wouldn't even think about this if it was. All I could do was entertain myself enough to forget, or do something better about it.