The discard is so hard

Hey friends, having a rough night so thought I'd reach out to my fellow BPD loved ones.

The idealization phase was incredible (obviously), the devaluation was really painful and confusing, but I'm finding the discard to be the worst part. The way she's just completely reducing me to what feels like an afterthought. Not returning my calls, responding to texts with really short answers. I'd proposed a couple get togethers but both times now she's gotten sick at the last minute and cancelled. The devaluation was devastating but at least I was still an important part of her life. At least we were still intimately connected, even if it was toxic, irrational, and abusive (the bond was still there, even though it was a bright neon trauma bond). But the apathy seems almost worse than the anger and judgement. That she just doesn't give a shit when she used to adore the crap out of me and told me she was never going anywhere.

Pretty sure she's dating someone new and I can't stop obsessing about it. Wondering what she's up to every night, what they're doing (even though I'm not positive she's even with someone).

I'm trying to view all of this as a great opportunity, view her as a messenger to help me address my own codependency and neediness, the things I need to heal within myself.

But it's so hard to stop obsessing. It makes me feel so crazy and weak.

So yeah, discard feels like the worst part ... anyone else relate?