She reached out

I've heard people say that it's always when you're feeling stronger and actually moving forward that they show up again. It almost seems uncanny but it's what happened.

We've been NC for six months now. Three months ago she DM'd me an innocuous instagram post and I never responded. In the time that followed I was wracked with guilt for ignoring her, for not at least throwing it a like, despite the way she treated me before we stopped talking.

Well, she sent me another one two days ago. Two days before my birthday, which doesn't feel like a total coincidence. I'm feeling better and stronger than I have in a while, I've been on a few dates with someone new and it might have potential, first time I've been in this position in a while.

Not going to lie, I want to like the post she sent me. Just that. In part to avoid the guilt of ignoring her. And I'm asking myself, am I resilient enough to do that now? Will it be empowering to engage her but not let her back in? Or will doing that undo my growth and healing?

I've also played out the possibility that liking this post will lead to her reaching out more directly. But maybe I can handle that too? Be polite but not vulnerable, wish her well but keep a safe distance.

But it also could maybe lead to pain. It seems that there's a strong advocacy in this world for full NC, no exceptions.

Guilt of not responding vs. risk of being back in her orbit and losing myself again.