Perspective

I’ve just come for a bit of perspective really about how people are finding dividing care of baby with their partner? FTM. Baby is 11 weeks old. Typically i do the night wakes which can be anything from 2-5 wakes per night at the moment. Partner wakes at 6ish to spend 2 hours caring for baby until 8am roughly when he has to work during which time i catch up on sleep. Partner works from home and office but mostly office. Then comes home and usually prepares evening meal before the baby’s bedtime routine starts at 7ish. We split time with baby in evenings. Baby is then in bed and we both are as well, with maybe 20 minutes for us to chat about the day before sleep.

I am currently doing all the housework, because i can scrape time when baby is napping during the days. I do find myself doing little jobs whenever baby is with dad in evenings or on weekends. Its not something i mind doing as this is manageable whilst baby naps.

Weekends look different during the day but the night and morning routine are the same. sometimes it feels like I’m primarily responsible for baby but not because of anything partner has said or does. I think its because baby is breastfed (i pump during the times dad has him each morning) so after a feed baby is usually lay on me. He does a lot of contact napping at the minute.

My partner is now talking about wanting to spend an hour or so every week going for a long run. We both enjoy exercise but again, i have to cram mine in when baby naps or is with dad and its 30 mins at most. I understand the need for exercise and want to fully support my partner, but im also feeling like i don’t get any opportunity for a break away from baby, especially not every week. There isnt anything i can do really which involves me having a similar break each week. If there was i feel like my partner would support me in doing it.

When partner is at work (9-5 job) he can spend a bit of time during the day mucking around and has an hour lunch where he can do whatever he wants.

We have family support and we do use it for a couple of hours maybe every other week at the minute. Again though this is so both me and partner can have a break together, as opposed to me having any time for myself. This week i spent a couple of hours one evening with a friend whilst dad looked after baby but i don’t see my friends that much before baby, and i also feel I’d be taking the mick if i did spend a few hours every week with them.

On one hand i understand my partner has it hard with balancing work and a newborn, but on the other i feel that he hugely underestimates what it like for me having pretty much 22 hours a day, 7 days a week, being the baby’s primary care giver. I love my baby, and i know how lucky i am to have support from family. I know i could ask for them to look after baby more but i don’t know what i’d do with the time if they did and i feel guilty for asking.

I am feeling burnt out this week so just want some perspective. Am i being unreasonable for feeling that an hour every week for a run is a bit much? Am I being unfair on dad?