I feel so lost

I’ve posted previously on here, but some I deleted bc my ex partner said she’d go looking for them and I panicked.

We had been together almost 4 years when she was hospitalized for the third time in a year on Nov. 30 and was released Dec. 19. She always discards but usually comes back around. She called me once during sounding like herself asking to come back home. Since then, my life has been hell. She has discarded me. First she was mean, was still having hallucinations, and told me she wanted to move back to her small town with her grandparents. Since then she keeps going back and forth between wanting to be with me and not seeing a future for us. She packed up all of her things and moved home yesterday. She claims she’s going to give her cat to a shelter and come back for the rest of her stuff. She’s been so oddly calm about the whole thing, showing almost no sadness about the end of our entire life together. She left me with our apartment, 3 cats, one hers, and so much confusion and hurt.

I’m lost because we had a great relationship and she doesn’t seem like her in this, although she seems normal in every other aspect. Last night I drove her 2 hours one way to her grandparents’ town. She seemed calm and fine.

Before I left, I blocked her on everything, except for her number, and turned off my location. About an hour into my drive home she texted me and said she’s sorry I’m hurt but she’s optimistic about her decision. I didn’t reply, she then called me about twenty minutes later and I didn’t answer. She texted me “Will you call me?” then called me again two minutes later. Two minutes after that she said “I’ll leave you alone.” and turned off her location in return. Against my better judgment, I texted her today and asked why she called me last night but now she’s ignoring me.

What is happening?? I don’t understand the circles my brain is going in from the clarity that’s just not there. She seems to be completely ignoring her diagnosis since receiving it in July of 2024. She acts like a change of scenery and her medicine will fix it but she has done no research on the illness, continues to use nicotine and caffeine, and just doesn’t seem to be taking accountability for anything. Is this her or the illness? Will she come back around?