I messed up and I feel stupid now

It's been a year since we separated. We have kids together and we both love them to the Earths end. But the part where I fucked up is that I texted her asking if she was involved with someone or not. I know, I know,,, that was dumb, but I couldn't help myself and it was too late before I noticed. We went back and forth for a while til she said yes she's seeing someone.

That killed me. You ask stupid questions you get the answers you're looking for.

It's hard still being in love with someone, the mother of your children, and they don't have love for you back.

A lot of things in between..

Here's the dumbest part, fully aware of what the outcome would be, I asked her if she had sex with this person.....

.... Let's just say, when they say don't go digging for answers and let it be, believe them. Don't be stubborn and focus on moving on and healing. I was looking for clarity and I got it. Not what I wanted to hear but what I needed to hear. I chose the torture of her words to help me cut my emotional tether.

My switch has been flipped and I've become so numb now. I'm proud that she's moving on and finding her happiness with someone else, I still am an adult, but one with strong emotions to someone that was supposed to be my wife. Now after hearing what she said, the way my brain works, she's no longer my love. I love her with every fiber of my being, but now my detachment is kicking in and now she's no more that the mother of my children.

My chest feels shredded...

The pain of fucking up and having to wear that badge is an insufferable weight.