First night alone in bed

I’m so cold. He’s isn’t in my bed and he never will be again. We used to hold each other in this same bed. What’s worse and also comforting is the fact he is still my roommate. I know he’s at his parents house. I can’t sleep and I miss him even though he caused me so much pain in the relationship. I want to call him but I shouldn’t. It would set me back on healing. I still love him even though he did so many bad things that pushed me to break up with him. He knew my grandma was on her death bed today and he took me to the hospital to say my final goodbyes to her because he knew I had no way there. It hurts.