I want to hate you, but I can’t

It’s been 4 months since she broke me to pieces, we stayed in contact but it was very minimal up until 2 weeks ago where she ended the call with I’ll call you later and I never got that call. This was right after she admitted to talking to someone new, even though the night before she told me she loves me and misses me. How can you do that to someone? Go from telling them you love them and miss them to sleeping with someone new the next day.

She broke me down like nothing ever has before and I’m still broken. The person she became after the breakup is not the girl I loved, she turned cold and just wanted to party. The girl I was with would never treat me the way she treated me when it was over. I have so much anger towards everything, especially myself right now. I want to hate you, I want to tell you all the damage you did to me, how I can no longer trust or let anyone close to me. She was the first person I ever truly let see the raw me and look where it got me. But I still care and love her so much I can’t hate her ever.

I’m not even sure who she is anymore, how can someone go from so loving and caring and sweet to cold and heartless to someone who was with you for 7 years and did everything for you.