Struggling with coping mechanism withdrawal

Can anyone relate to this? For the longest time, I mean since I was literally 9 I've basically ignored every negative emotion that arises in my body by quickly turning ro coping mechanisms (usually of a sexual or romantic nature). Its only recently that I have started to be mindful of what I'm feeling, started to feel what I'm going through and put a name to it rather than take my quick fix.

I've taken a break from my relationship as I'm unsure what its serving me in my life other than the distraction from my emotions, but it is quite emotionally taxiing as I'm unsure of how to know if I'm even with the right person, if I'm happy ect (because I don't even know what happy looks like for me). My partner also wants the break as he feels like ove stretched him thin with my perfectionism demands and my constant pressure and fighting over him fulfilling all my needs (my words not his, but I know what I've done)

I'm now facing the first time in YEARS where I have no romantic or sexual interest or distraction. I cannot use my love addiction to distract me. It's making me feel so so upset, I feel lost, I feel hurt and tired. I'm working on being compassionate to myself, but God it's so so hard figuring this out without my usual distractions.

I've been reading a few different books, watching a lot of videos and truly finding places where I need to change slowly. But even so, there's moments where I so badly want to slip back into my old habits and all of these feelings FEEL too much.

Rant over :,)