I keep seeing my abuser and it's triggering me so badly

I see a lot of the people who were awful to me as a child regularly since I still live with my parents, but things are better now. The one person who keeps getting to me is the guy who molested me.

I've been seeing him more frequently recently because of the holidays and it's messing me up. I keep having breakdowns that last for hours, I think about what happened for hours, my anxiety has increased, the suicidal thoughts have gotten so much worse. It's been awful.

I know the simple solution would be to just not go wherever he'll be, but I hardly leave the house as is. If I refused to see him at all, I'd leave the house half as much as I do now. Family gatherings and our game nights we have monthly are my main ways of getting any sort of real social interaction. I've actually started to really enjoy them since I'm treated like a person now. But he's there most of the time.

I've never told my family what happened because out of all the responses I might get, I know supportive ones wouldn't be on that list. At best they'd believe me and continue inviting him places anyway, but I think it's more likely I'd get called a liar or get told I'm exaggerating. My memories not being entirely clear doesn't help. Plus he's such a big part of our lives, and I'd feel horrible if I ruined everything.

A few nights ago he messaged me "Your looking great today" out of nowhere which definitely hasn't helped matters. I just responded ok, he asked how I was feeling, I said ok, he asked what I'd been up, I said playing games, and he told me to have fun. He messaged me again the next morning but I didn't respond.

I don't know what to do with any of these feelings. I hate what he did, but I don't hate him because he's otherwise always been nice to me. Even if he did molest me, I'd feel awful accusing him directly or telling other people who know him what happened. It's so hard to be in a room with him where everybody is acting completely normal and I can't stop thinking about what he did. Then I start questioning myself because how could somebody like this ever do something like that? I want to tell people so badly but I feel so ashamed. I'd never, ever feel this way if somebody I knew told me they'd been hurt like this, but for some reason it's different when it's me.

I know I shouldn't see him anymore, but it's so hard.