Signs that you’re healing your attachment style
Today I was reflecting on how much I've grown in the past couple years. Especially when it comes to how I show up in relationships. I wanted to share some signs that let me know I'm healing my disorganized attachment style. And I'd love to hear others share too!
I still have a fear of abandonment but I'm able to tolerate loss and sit with grief. Losing people/learning people can't love me the way I need no longer feels like the end of the world to me. There are still times where those feeling come up but I've learned to move through them. And they no longer trigger suicidal ideation.
I have a healthier relationship with vulnerability! I'm no longer swinging between trauma dumping or closing off completely in response to other people's behavior. I'm slowly learning boundaries and have been able to build trust in relationships, which allows me to feel more comfortable sharing my thoughts/feelings.
Probably one of the biggest ones - I no longer tolerate abusive behavior. I've developed standards for how people should treat me and even though it's hard I walk away when I'm not being treated well. A HUGE breakthrough for me was realizing I could walk away and then actually doing it.
I'm beginning to develop a sense of self!! A lot of my trauma included narcissistic abuse, which meant by the time I reached adulthood I didn't know who I was, what I needed, or what I wanted. I think some of you will understand what I mean by this -- it wasn't until this past year that I felt like a real person.
I forgive myself for the mistakes I make. I acknowledge my imperfection. And I'm slowly letting go of the shame that comes from being imperfect. I'm starting to realize that imperfection makes me human. And I'm realizing that the perfection/success I was taught to strive for and was held to in childhood was dehumanizing.
Would love to hear from others signs that they've noticed!
Edit: Wow! I was not expecting this much of a response. I'm glad this provided hope for folks and that many could relate. This is after over a decade worth of therapy for me so it takes time. I'm not healed. I don't know that I'll ever be healed but I have a much better quality of life. I was incredibly suicidal from age 9-29. I thought I'd live my life in pain or die by suicide. But I just kept doing the work, moving forward, taking steps back, and holding on until I started to see some light.