No wonder I immediately give up when someone gives pushback…
About 1 year ago I had enough of how my mom treats me, so I told her I couldn’t see her anymore unless she treats me better. She said ‘I’m sorry you don’t want contact, goodbye, I’ll be here if you want to come back’.
About a month ago I had enough of how my dad treats me, so I told him I couldn’t see him anymore unless he treats me better. He said: ‘I’m sorry you don’t want contact, goodbye, I’ll be here if you want contact.
Neither of them put up any kind of effort. They didn’t ask me what hurts. They just said goodbye. I tried to tell them what hurts in the past and they block everything with ‘your emotions are your problem. You are too sensitive’. Neither of them ever tried to understand why I was upset. Both of them try to get me to shut up, by saying things like ‘I expect forgiveness from you’. I literally asked them to help repair the relationship and they simply just ignore that remark. I never managed to have any actual conversation about anything that upsets me. Both of them keep up this veneer of ‘kindness’ that drives me crazy. They are totally willing to ‘talk’, and will be there. Never mind that they hurt me. And it leaves me with this doubt that maybe I am too difficult. (I’m starting to trust myself more and more though! So im sticking with my own observations and interpretations for now).
My therapist told me that I give up as soon as she challenges something I say. That she could see the energy drain from me, and it’s like I leave the present moment.
And I just put them together. If I stand up for myself with my parents, and refuse to concede to their view… I have to abandon my point, or I lose them. So I decided to check out when that happens. So as soon as someone challenges my viewpoint (even in a safe, normal, respectful way) I just get so incredibly deflated and I give in. It’s true. My therapist saw it correctly. I instantly get flooded with sadness, grief, deflatedness and hopelessness. And I just kind of zone out and mutter something like ‘yeah maybe, that could be true too’.