I’m heartbroken about rehoming and it’s my fault

In July, I found myself in a position where I agreed to foster a kitten that was barely a week old. He was abandoned at my work.

I knew from day 1 this was TEMPORARY. I was just supposed to foster him until he was weaned. I always had cats before and I really love them, but my partner is allergic so I’ve always known we can’t have one.

But I got REALLY attached really quickly to this baby. He was with me 24/7 for the first couple months of his life. He came with me to the office and everything. And there’s just something special about this boy. We are incredibly bonded, maybe more so than with any other pet I’ve had.

I knew this whole time I was supposed to be looking for a home for him but I just couldn’t bring myself to really do it.

So now here we are, 6 months later, and as he’s grown he’s really starting to bother my partner’s allergies. But the thought of rehoming him is breaking my heart. I’m in tears every time. I’m heartbroken for me AND for him. I feel like he’s going to think I abandoned him, and we’re the only home he’s ever known.

I just bought two really nice air purifiers and I’m praying they do enough that maybe somehow we can keep him. But honestly, I know it probably won’t.

I just don’t know how to let go and in hindsight I kind of wish I would have just fostered until weaned like I was supposed to. But on the other hand I wouldn’t trade the time I’ve had with him. I’m just so devastated and I feel so guilty and I don’t know how to let him go.

Thanks for listening to my rant, and if anyone has any kind words they would be greatly appreciated.