I'm lost

After a year of struggling I feel lost and without hope.

Last year I started this new journey of living abroad to fulfill a dream of becoming an archaeologist, living somehow ln my own but everything is getting harder and harder.

I lost my job, and just have a few gigs where I can barely pay stuff and everytime I try to get a job, or try to get a well paid freelance... The answer is always no. I have a folder in my email with rejections, which is making harder to be positive.

I tried praying, I tried finding help, I tried go to chapel for the blessed sacrament, going to mass, asking guidance from god or Jesus but nothing... I'm desperate after one year and at this point I just feel is useless.

My family tells me to keep on praying, to never lose hope, even my girlfriend who prays rosaries for me... But with all due respect, I just feel like abandoned by god, and feel like I wasted time with my first B.A in design and I'm afraid someone could judge me for being this low maybe an say I'm being a crybaby or just complaining... But I do feel desperate at this moment because I feel like is useless to believe anymore...

I really feel I wasted time trying to use my gifts and my skills I think god gave me to be happy and fulfill something he wants from me for the salvation of my brothers and sisters in Christ... But at this point, my debts, my unemployment, my poor mental health and other stuff makes me feel everything I try is useless...

I don't know if I need people praying for me, or just to give up, or keep praying... And I'm afraid this post will be taken down.

Any help will be appreciated...