Difficulty Praying to God - I feel like there is a Mental Block

My prayer life is pretty much lifeless, dry, and dead.

I rush through my penances after confession.

I keep a journal where I write to God but it is mostly complaints. I do not trust God cares or will fix my situation.

I do not know how to worship God. I basically just want things from God and religion. I treat Catholicism as a self-improvement plan.

I am pretty good at almsgiving but I have difficulty with prayer and fasting. (I hope I do not sound prideful saying I'm good at almsgiving). I have never been a stingy person. I keep breaking my Lenten fast.

Some of the things I want to pray for are like doing better in school, being less vain, being less self-centered, and having better self-discipline.

I know I should pray about pornography and quit but I feel like being a wholesome Christian woman would make me so boring.

I really want to write a biblically inspired story but I do not read enough. I spend more time online than doing anything else. I want to start the morning with prayer. My dream is to write young adult fiction. I am intimidated by Tolkien and C.S. Lewis. I have no aspirations to write "real" literature. I just want to write emotionally honest stories about adolescence. Although I am 31 I am still pretty connected to my teen years because it was a dramatic period for me.

It's my last semester of graduate school, actually , I have less than two more months left and I feel like I am struggling to get my assignments done in a timely manner.

There is a rather rebellious student I tutored years ago. He is graduating this year. He is a senior in high school. I really want to see how he is doing. He was a troubled student. Unfortunately in seventh grade, his mother was dying. I really hope he's doing well. I pray I am able to see him soon. I haven't seen him since 2020.

I fear that Jesus does not like me because I can be annoying, obnoxious, lazy, vain, stubborn, self-centered, petty, overly dramatic, etc. (I do not know why writing this is making me cry)