My girl crossed the rainbow bridge and I just can’t bear how empty I am feeling

My 15 year old best friend, Cricket, crossed yesterday morning peacefully in my arms. I’ve had her since I was a teenager myself, and she was there with me during the times when nobody else was. She brought vibrancy to all the times that were grey and dull.

Her littermate Luna is still with me and I love her dearly. I’m so worried for her. But also, Luna is quiet. She’s serene. Cricket greeted me with happy foot taps and butt wiggles and screams at the bottom of the stairs every morning, followed me everywhere, sat on my toes when I used the toilet. It’s just so quiet in my house. It’s so empty. Her memory feels like a vacuum where 6 pounds of spunk once sat.

She developed dementia over the past year and it got more intense with time. It went from 2 AM wake ups where we comforted her and she went back to sleep, to sleeping on the couch with her all night, to sleeping on the floor with her. Finally Sunday night she sundowned so badly that she would scream if my partner or myself even touched her. She was confused and terrified and didn’t deserve to suffer anymore. She died at home with us right by her side. She fell asleep in my arms eating Reese’s cups for the first time.

When will it get better? My heart aches with a heavy emptiness and the silence is deafening.