So so upset

This is just so mentally painful. I would give anything to have it back, but it's gone forever. Never masturbated once with a foreskin. Never experienced true, natural sexual enjoyment as it should be. It's heartbreaking. I'm just absolutely devastated.

My own mother says that" if no boys consent to circumcision, why are you more important, why should you have a choice" and " it needed to be done then, otherwise you would have said no" . It's so upsetting to know she helped facilitate this, knowing she deliberately let me be harmed, not caring about me at all. I guess she didn't care about me, she just sold me to my dad... what a fucking coward that man is. What a prick. He's responsible. He planned, facilitated, paid and watched the mutilation happen. He's a predatory child abuser, hiding behind " religion. He says whether or not his son wanted foreskin as an adult is irrelevant to him, as it's his decision and only his opinion matters. He also says it's not hygiene, it's a sacrifice to belong to the family tree and that it's " mandatory" in our family, and that" your insanity doesn't help you at all, you're clearly very stupid and unable to think rationally" when will this dickhead realise what he did.

I'm just heartbroken. Life can be cruel and ruthless, it was here. It's so devastating and upsetting, I feel so emotionally upset, sad, and deeply disappointed. I feel so much envy and sadness. I'd give so much to experience what I'm missing, but simply because of the luck of the draw, I'm forever missing the best parts of being human. I don't think I can move on or feel better. This really hurts.