Josh-terrible hinge partner.

I realized something after the last episode with Josh. He is a terrible hinge. Meaning, it’s his role in having two or more partners do be honest and clear about expectations and availability.

The issues he had with both partners, he could have resolved individually with each partner. Unless they are going kitchen table polyamory which might be the case. But even then the hierarchy issues that have played out, Josh should have been more clear even in that space. If he is professing Relationship Anarchy, then it’s his job to detangle the latent hierarchy that is occurring. Instead, he wants the women to do the emotional work.

It would sound something like this, I want to spend this much time with each partner or this is the capacity for have…maybe the living arrangements or expectations need to adjust.

Or, Aryn, my other relationship has growing, and this is what I can offer you.

Or, Lorena, I love you AND, Aryn will be my priority for long term planning.

Each partner can then be empowered to negotiate that without bringing the other partner into it.

I think instead, he shifted responsibility back to each (blamed) partner’s and in group therapy, but never said clearly where he was at. He blamed Arya for not being more considerate and Lorena for not being clear about her wants and needs.

Meanwhile he was serving up ambivalence. I think he likes being the center of attention. And not ethical. They settled on things being messy, but meanwhile he doesn’t have to put himself really on the line of being clear and maybe risking one of the relationships.

He’s sitting pretty, because neither woman has an other “primary” or “anchor” partner.

This wasn’t polyamory, it was an ENM relationship gone sideways.