do u ever think you’re lying?

not about DID, but about who’s fronting. idk sometimes i feel like i’m stealing peoples identity. i’ll go through the whole “who’s fronting?” and try to figure out who is at the front. questions like : “do i feel masc or femme?” “am i boy or girl (or how do i feel about gender if no feeling)” “how do i feel about the host/how close am i with him” “what’s the last thing i remember doing” “what is a hallmark moment when i was at front”

all these help me figure out who i am but i always wonder if i’m actually the host and i’m just being a prick about it. nobody WANTS to be the host (he’s both lovely and he sucks which is why i’m posting here). but we all pretend to be him. like idk sometimes i’m like do i actually wanna be him or do i just want to be the host? or am i just confused? or stupid?

does anyone ever KNOW they’re themselves but can’t help feel obligated to conform to social norms internally and be like “no i am (hosts name)”?

i’m also drunk on a tuesday night so if that doesn’t tell u my mental state idk what will