Seminary Dilemma

This of gonna be a long one so buckle up. I'm 19 years old right now and I'm in college. I'm still a Christian but I have been spiraling over this specific issue for months now. And I really do mean spiraling. Thinking about it on and off endlessly for months. Ruminating about it over and over again. I'm in school for nursing right now and so far I really like it. From an early age I've always had a desire to work in healthcare and as I've gotten older I only feel stronger about that desire. I love learning about the body and studying how diseases impact us. And this might sound odd, but I always felt very at home inside a hospital. I had decided to pursue nursing around April of last year and I felt very confident about my decision. But around that time I thought popped into my head that I should pursue Seminary. I've never really considered pursuing it before hand and I have no plans to work as a pastor and I confidently belive that it is not my calling. So at first the thought was easy to brush aside. But a little while later it came back and it was all I could think about. To the point where the word Semianry was just repeating over and over in my head all day long. I would feel mentally exhausted because I literally couldn't think of anything else. I would ruminate over the thought day and night. And the thing is I prayed about it often and I just never reached a point where I felt personally called to pursue it. But then I began to feel so guilty that if I don't pursue it I'm lukewarm or I don't really love God. So I would go online and research about programs but it still didn't feel like a calling or something I was passionate about. One night I was researching programs and I started crying and feeling panicked. But then I prayed and I felt this massive sense of peace that flooded my senses. I though that that was an answer. That seminary wasn't something I had to do and I thought God was affirming that to me in that moment. So for a while I felt at peace about it. Then a few weeks ago I was listening to a sermon from my pastor and he talked about how we should not use Peace as a borometer for God's will because we sometimes confuse peace with just feeling ok about something. But rather we need to use conviction as our borometer and if we feel convicted of something we must live it out. I started panicking at this. At first I thought that the seminary thing doesn't apply because I didn't feel convicted. But then I thought maybe I'm lying to myself and I was being convicted and if I don't answer that conviction then I'm not living out God's will wich means I'm not a true follower which means I don't really love God and maybe I'm not even saved. I had some anxiety about not pursuing seminary and then dying and then on Judgement day Jesus would say that I did not do His will and thus I was never a true Christian. So I spiraled some more and then came to the conclusion that I really am being convicted of this and if it's a conviction placed on my heart by Jesus then I must pursue it even if I don't want it. So I put on some applications To some programs and I was on the phone with an Advisor from one of the School's I'm looking at and I felt so sad during that call. I had this gut feeling the entire time that this isn't right and I don't want this. Especially since it's not just a casual thing it actually takes commitment. I just felt so sad and discouraged. And I feel guilty for feeling that way but I do. I'm still in Nursing school as I don't feel convicted to leave. But there is a part of me that's terrified that that will happen and I'll never get to live out my goals for healthcare. I want to get higher than a bachelors degree in Nursing. I want to live out my goals in the healthcare field and although I'm not being asked to give it up, I'm scared that one day I will and it fills me with grief. I end up feeling so angry and jealous when I go online and see people pursing their dreams and their goals, suddenly feeling like I'm limited and I'm not allowed to have my own goals outside of church stuff. And I feel so guilty for feeling this way. It makes me feel like I don't really love God or that I'm making an idol out of my own desires. My pastor Said when we answer our convictions that is when we get true peace, even if it doesn't make us happy. But often time this situation brings about feelings of sadness and grief. And I feel like I've driven myself crazy over it. I have wondered if the rumination could be possible OCD? I also pick at my fingers when I feel distressed and during that phone call with the rep from the school I was picking apart my fingers so much. I'm doing it while typing this out lol. Any thoughts?