How do you not hate yourself after dating an avoidant?

I hate hate hate avoidants, the more I learn about this attachment style in hopes to better understand them, the more I realise there’s practically no justification to being that way. They’re just narcissists or have narcissistic traits. To love bomb someone, make promises and then runaway just because you cannot sit down and communicate like an adult is just disgusting. At this point, I don’t care that you had a hard childhood, once you grow up it’s your responsibility to self reflect and heal instead of hurting other people. Avoidants are mentally abusive, manipulative, lack accountability and always throw the blame onto their partner and project. What absolutely infuriates me is how much he made me hate myself because I felt like nothing I did was enough and everything was somehow always my fault. Even now that’s it’s done, sometimes I’ll be in doing my thing like house chores and suddenly remember one of the many times he was gaslighting me and how i tried so hard to explain to him how i felt and he would just flip the entire situation on me and i just leave whatever i’m doing and start crying.