Stranger than fiction

It's intimidating to tell your story. If you share in enough detail, there is fear someone will realize who you are.

Truth is stranger than fiction. Truth, what many of us claim to worship, what many of us claim to seek.

But confronting the truth about ourselves is often overlooked in these highly religious communities.

Minimizing and hiding major pitfalls and transgressions while magnifying rules about clothing, jewelery, makeup, hair length and media..

control and hypocrisy, spiritual abuse..

On my 3rd visit to this church, a man approached me. He asked, if I would like to have a Bible study?

He was the brother of the woman who invited me to church. I agreed. It seemed good. He was very spiritual, he was from what I observed, well respected by the pastor, as he was an evangelist/preacher and well liked by the rest of the congregation.

I agreed to get baptized. This man baptized me.

He would walk me to my car, and talk to me for a while. I learned he was married. No rings in this church. I confessed some hidden secrets, he counseled me.

What I didn't know is this man had a long history of using Bible studies to seduce woman. The Pastor knew about it. He even had cuddling sessions with his cousins.

Later on( 10 years later) a friend of mine told me she went to the pastor and said this mans intentions are not right for me and that he needs to tell the man to stop pursuing me. The pastor brushed her off. The pastor new about the cousin cuddling as well but said, " he's repented" now. Allows him to continue preaching and traveling to talk at other churches.

I was hanging out at a single man's house one night, when this evangelical preacher calls. When he finds out where I am he goes into a jealous fit. A handful of minutes later he is outside the single man's house. Telling me I need to come outside now. This is a married man, I reiterate.

The hypocrisy became normalized. I often blamed myself for being a siren or some other shameful term that can often shift accountability from the man to the woman.

I would be on the phone with the actual pastor of the church for hours. I felt special. My father, who I love dearly, wasn't a very present support in an emotional sense to me growing up. His job took him away physically and mentally his mind was there most of the time. The attention I got from this older man filled a void. I learned later that he prophesied that his wife was going die. They believed the prophecy so much that she bought a casket. Years later selling it because she never died. However, one evening while discussing the strong possibility that pastors wife will die, who would take her place. My name was brought up, the pastors wife( from what I was told) said I would be a good candidate. Now it all made sense. I was told in the first 6-8 months I was there. Either wear a skirt when you come her or don't come. I was told that my makeup less, cleavage free, face shot on my social media page was inappropriate and that I need to remove it. My clothing even after complying to skirts was regularly critiqued. It's like it never ended. And what I learned is that it would never end unless I put and end to it.

I had been very unhappy for a long time. Compounding issues all stemming from shame based experiences and beliefs. I exchanged one prison( the prison of the world) for the prison of the church.

After leaving people were told not to talk to me. I've ran into people at stores who still entertain the cultish thinking and their behavior matches. My ex pastor told me I was committing " spiritual suicide" and that by leaving my life would be a mess.

Quite the contrary.

I later learned, a little over a year after leaving. That the pastors son when he was a teenager had molested a young girl at the church. Thankfully one of the ministers there with some education in counseling was able to speak to the young man and he confessed the deed. Because at first, the pastor and his wife tried to brush it off as a lie. It's almost like all these strict rules strongly being enforced were a cover up for other major transgressions, molestation and allowing a man to evangelize under you with a long history of cheating and manipulation.

There was also misappropriation of funds. A run down church, no kitchen, a cracked foundation, gravel parking lot, a leaking roof. Almost all of the updates were funded by free will offerings and labor of members. The tithes went to the million dollar mansion that the pastor and his wife live in.

These things happen in a community that constantly preaches obedience to authority, if you're not obedient than your rebelling against God. They take advantage of people who really have a strong desire to please God.

I still believe in God. I've learned to separate God from the people, especially people in leadership. I still pray and read the Bible. I gained weight after leaving, I had been underweight for 7 or so years. I work on finding peace, letting go with love. Everyone was an innocent little baby at one time and I try to see them in that light. I have been angry at times. I allow the emotions to flow.

Thankfully I had gone to another church in that same denomination in the middle of my decade long experience. It showed me that not all pastors are controlling and not all pastors wives look down from their high tower.

What I won't allow is becoming bitter and hard and to forget what God has done for me. My life is incredibly stable despite all of this.