“Sexual compatibility is a myth.” … Really?!

I keep seeing fundamentalists parrot the claim that “sexual compatibility is a myth.” Honestly, it’s almost laughable because the real myth here is that sexual compatibility doesn’t exist.

Case in point: Lila Rose recently tweeted about this, and I rolled my eyes so hard they practically did a full 360.

Let’s be real — sexual compatibility is absolutely a thing. While I wouldn’t say it’s the most important aspect of a relationship, I do believe it’s crucial. More than that, a willingness to work together toward mutually pleasurable intimacy matters even more. But to dismiss compatibility entirely? That’s just denial.

Growing up in the church, I remember hearing things like, (Saving sex for marriage is the ultimate gift you can give your spouse!” (Not the lifelong commitment? Interesting priorities…) Another favorite was the claim that saving sex for marriage guarantees a better sex life.

Here’s the reality check: It doesn’t.

Take this story as Exhibit A. Years ago, I went on a few dates with a guy who had been raised in a fundamentalist, homeschooled environment. He’d been married and divorced, and his experience with sex within that marriage was … let’s just say, illuminating. Both he and his ex-wife were virgins when they got married. But when they finally tried to have sex, it was incredibly difficult. She was diagnosed with vaginismus, which made intercourse painful and challenging. On top of that, she had a low sex drive and struggled even to talk about sex openly. They were married for eight years, and during that time, they only had sex 3-4 times a year. Ultimately, their sexual incompatibility was a significant factor in their divorce.

(Now, I only have his side of the story, so who knows if that’s actually what happened. I find it believable, though.)

So no, fundies. Denying the existence of sexual compatibility doesn’t make it any less real. It’s exhausting to see these talking points regurgitated over and over.

Now, to be clear, I’m not knocking the decision to wait until marriage. Sex is incredibly personal, and waiting is absolutely the right choice for some people. But to dismiss sexual compatibility as a concept? That’s harmful. Encouraging young people to stay abstinent is one thing, but failing to prepare them for potential challenges — like sexual compatibility issues — sets them up for heartbreak. Instead of denying reality, why not equip them with tools to navigate these challenges?

Say what you will about Bethy, but at least she’s willing to acknowledge the truth. Fundies could take a page out of her book.

I keep seeing fundamentalists parrot the claim that “sexual compatibility is a myth.” Honestly, it’s almost laughable because the real myth here is that sexual compatibility doesn’t exist.

Case in point: Lila Rose recently tweeted about this, and I rolled my eyes so hard they practically did a full 360.

Let’s be real — sexual compatibility is absolutely a thing. While I wouldn’t say it’s the most important aspect of a relationship, I do believe it’s crucial. More than that, a willingness to work together toward mutually pleasurable intimacy matters even more. But to dismiss compatibility entirely? That’s just denial.

Growing up in the church, I remember hearing things like, (Saving sex for marriage is the ultimate gift you can give your spouse!” (Not the lifelong commitment? Interesting priorities…) Another favorite was the claim that saving sex for marriage guarantees a better sex life.

Here’s the reality check: It doesn’t.

Take this story as Exhibit A. Years ago, I went on a few dates with a guy who had been raised in a fundamentalist, homeschooled environment. He’d been married and divorced, and his experience with sex within that marriage was … let’s just say, illuminating. Both he and his ex-wife were virgins when they got married. But when they finally tried to have sex, it was incredibly difficult. She was diagnosed with vaginismus, which made intercourse painful and challenging. On top of that, she had a low sex drive and struggled even to talk about sex openly. They were married for eight years, and during that time, they only had sex 3-4 times a year. Ultimately, their sexual incompatibility was a significant factor in their divorce.

(Now, I only have his side of the story, so who knows if that’s actually what happened. I find it believable, though.)

So no, fundies. Denying the existence of sexual compatibility doesn’t make it any less real. It’s exhausting to see these talking points regurgitated over and over.

Now, to be clear, I’m not knocking the decision to wait until marriage. Sex is incredibly personal, and waiting is absolutely the right choice for some people. But to dismiss sexual compatibility as a concept? That’s harmful. Encouraging young people to stay abstinent is one thing, but failing to prepare them for potential challenges — like sexual compatibility issues — sets them up for heartbreak. Instead of denying reality, why not equip them with tools to navigate these challenges?

Say what you will about Bethy, but at least she’s willing to acknowledge the truth. Fundies could take a page out of her book.