The 30-Year Itch

My first time posting on Reddit so apologies if I violate any unwritten norms. Not even sure why I’m posting since I don’t think a solution even exists.

I have had daily, nearly unrelenting itch in my labia for 30 effing years. It’s like having the worst yeast infection ever. For 30 years. The slightest movement triggers it. Sitting triggers it. Everything triggers it. And have I mentioned that it’s been like this for 30 years?! I haven’t? Well then, let me tell you…

Why the itch? Unclear. Its origin story is a mix of speculation and deductive reasoning. My brother sexually abused me from toddlerhood until I was like 15. Like many chronic sexual abuse victims, my hands were forever down my pants. Perhaps it started the world’s least fun cycle: the itch-scratch. I dunno. What I do know is that he died last week so I think that means that my vagina wins. I secretly hoped that the spell would be broken after his demise. Alas, it turns out that like so many steroidal creams, it didn’t cure the itch.

As one might imagine, I’ve tried just about everything. Going to a doctor for it is a bit like holding an inkblot to a patient. The cause and treatment vary based on their specialty. Derm doctors see a derm issue with derm treatments. Nerve doctors see a nerve issue with a nerve treatment. Perhaps they’re all right. Perhaps they’re all wrong. I haven’t tried a shaman yet. Maybe they’ll have some novel approach that actually moves the needle. Anyone know a good witch doctor I can try?

Anyway, in between fantasizing about paraplegia and half-assedly researching potential treatments for chronic pruritus, I try to live my life as best I can. I don’t move more than I absolutely need to. I try not to scratch. I curse the gods my mildly embarrassing fate.

If any other sister of misfortune knows of a treatment that actually works, I’d happily try it. Failing that, I’ll accept any of those thoughts and prayers that regularly prevent school shootings.