I was sexually assaulted by my cousin

I am ( 16 year 11 months old Male ) right now as i am typing this. This all started when i was 5-6 years old till the age of 11 - 12 when my mom decided to change our location

I am a male who was staying at my cousins house for multiple years because my mom and dad where busy doing their jobs so they left me at my cousins house. At first they all seem very nice to me , they where playing with me , watching movies together( 2 male and 1 female cousin ). But suddenly the 2 male cousins began to show me their privates and asked me to shower naked being a kid i never understood what they where saying but later they began to sexually assault me on daily basis for these year i was never able to tell my parents because i was too ashamed to tell them what happened to me and these people use to beat me on regular basis they forced the female cousin got involved. This keeps on for next 5 - 6 years regularly and i was not able to do a thing.

This Incident I don't know how to say messed up my mind so bad , I can't live with this , I cried for days , I use to be friendly with everyone and every one just currently ignores me , I don't know how to approach people or talk to them properly , all the friends i have just constantly ignore me , I am currently fat and short in height , Every girl i every talked to was only just for notebooks and i literally hear them insult me when i just take the notebook and turn back same with my friends they insult me in front of my face i just laugh and try to ignore them

I DONT KNOW HOW I AM ALIVE NOW I JUST HOPELESSLY CRY AND JUST WANT TO DIE PEACEFULLY AT THIS POINT LITERALLY NEVER IN MY LIFE I DISRESPECTED OR HATED ANY PERSON I WAS BEING FRIENDLY TO MY BULLIES SO THEY REALISE I DONT MEAN ANY HARM AND PEOPLE JUST TREAT ME LIKE I AM SOME SORT OF ALIEN , I GAVE AWAY ALL MY MONEY TO POOR PEOPLE ON THE SIDE OF ROADS AND GIFTED MY FRIENDS AND MY PARENTS ARE EXTREMELY TOXIC AND INDIRECTLY KILLED MY DREAM OF BEING A AEROSPACE ENGINEER BECAUSE THEY GAVE ME TWO OPTION WETHER TO TAKE EXTRA STUDIES FOR 8 GRUELING HOURS JUST AFTER I ARRIVE FROM SCHOOL OR TAKE WHATEVER OTHER SUBJECTS YOU LIKE MAN AT THIS POINT I JUST WANT TO DIE PEACEFULLY I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE I GET TREATED BADLY BY EVERYONE EVEN THOUGH I TRAT THEM WITH RESPECT AND BE FRIENDLY TO THEM