I messed up my teenage!
Yeah! My 20th Birthday is about to happen in few days. Now, I am realising that I messed up my teenage.
Upto my 8th standard, Everything went well! The real problem started when I entered into my 9th standard. I was taken admission to a co-ed hostel. The rules of the school had made my life worse. We are not supposed to talk with girls at the school and same applies to girls (they are not allowed to talk with boys) but It is a Co-ed ð.
This rules made me so dumb when it comes to real world interaction/communication (Specifically with girls). But even at this situation, I kinda liked a girl, had a crush on her in my 10th. It had began due to an incident. Basically like every other school in over school we have links ( like teasing a guy with a girl's name and the vice-versa ). Due to a lecture we both got linked and my friends started to tease me (even infront of her ð). At start it was so disgusting for me to be teased like that, but from and then I got developed with a crush on her ( don't judge me on this but happened! ). Even I rejected my promotion to a so called topper's section due to the fact that I am not in her section ( sometimes I regret about it, but still love the fact that I left the opportunity for her! ) and this went on and then lockdown announced.
That's where everything went online. I have created an account on Instagram and she too. I just not slept the whole night thinking wether should need to make a follow request or not! Then I got cheered up myself and made the move.
She accepted!!! I'm quite nervous to start a conversation but then she started to chat with me. It is the very first conversation that we had and she started that " I need to say something to you " and then she proposed me. I am stunned! and then started to think, why would she propose me, even knowing me completely! So to cross check I said no! ( The biggest mistake I have done! ). As I thought, It was a prank! ð I got so humiliated and then I started act normal.
From we used to chat in the whole lockdown time. She used to share her thoughts, views, likings and how her day went everything, same as I do. Those days were so memorable!. I got too attached with her! The lockdown gone we entered into intermediate and no more co-ed, their classes were held at some other place and our classes were held at another place in the same city. There's no scope for me to meet her! And In this gap my introvertness evolved, it's like a parasite and I am the host for it. Then my intermediate gone, I came to know that she had a boyfriend in her apartment and that relationship had broken.
But still I love her, at the very ending stage of my intermediate we use to take phones to college ( not legit but we did and they too ) and again I got a chance to talk to her online. Days passing, I love her so much but I am unable to convey it to her. The jee results came she performed better than me in mains and I performed well in advanced but my General category doesn't led me to IIT's, I got an admission in IIIT and she got an admission in a NIT.
At very first year of my BTech, I proposed her crossing my fear and anxiety but ended up in rejection. She said that I don't have any interest in relationships and just said no. I can't digest the fact that digest me. I got so down, I cried. I am unable to focus on my studies well, I am unable to interact with other girls of my college due to my introvert nature. Looking at me, Some of my girl batchmates even tried to help me to make me feel comfortable to speak with them but I am unable to achieve that.
Now! Whenever I see my friends who goes to trips with their friends, besties and girlfriends I always felt like I messed up my whole teenage.
Currently regretting about it and Just focusing on trying to do something that benefits me and my family
This how my teenage went! Even now I feel too difficult to interact with girls. Still trying to figure out, how to cross this barrier that I built upon myself! Hope I would cross it some day! I need to cross it, to SURVIVE!! ð
Yeah! My 20th Birthday is about to happen in few days. Now, I am realising that I messed up my teenage.
Upto my 8th standard, Everything went well! The real problem started when I entered into my 9th standard. I was taken admission to a co-ed hostel. The rules of the school had made my life worse. We are not supposed to talk with girls at the school and same applies to girls (they are not allowed to talk with boys) but It is a Co-ed ð.
This rules made me so dumb when it comes to real world interaction/communication (Specifically with girls). But even at this situation, I kinda liked a girl, had a crush on her in my 10th. It had began due to an incident. Basically like every other school in over school we have links ( like teasing a guy with a girl's name and the vice-versa ). Due to a lecture we both got linked and my friends started to tease me (even infront of her ð). At start it was so disgusting for me to be teased like that, but from and then I got developed with a crush on her ( don't judge me on this but happened! ). Even I rejected my promotion to a so called topper's section due to the fact that I am not in her section ( sometimes I regret about it, but still love the fact that I left the opportunity for her! ) and this went on and then lockdown announced.
That's where everything went online. I have created an account on Instagram and she too. I just not slept the whole night thinking wether should need to make a follow request or not! Then I got cheered up myself and made the move.
She accepted!!! I'm quite nervous to start a conversation but then she started to chat with me. It is the very first conversation that we had and she started that " I need to say something to you " and then she proposed me. I am stunned! and then started to think, why would she propose me, even knowing me completely! So to cross check I said no! ( The biggest mistake I have done! ). As I thought, It was a prank! ð I got so humiliated and then I started act normal.
From we used to chat in the whole lockdown time. She used to share her thoughts, views, likings and how her day went everything, same as I do. Those days were so memorable!. I got too attached with her! The lockdown gone we entered into intermediate and no more co-ed, their classes were held at some other place and our classes were held at another place in the same city. There's no scope for me to meet her! And In this gap my introvertness evolved, it's like a parasite and I am the host for it. Then my intermediate gone, I came to know that she had a boyfriend in her apartment and that relationship had broken.
But still I love her, at the very ending stage of my intermediate we use to take phones to college ( not legit but we did and they too ) and again I got a chance to talk to her online. Days passing, I love her so much but I am unable to convey it to her. The jee results came she performed better than me in mains and I performed well in advanced but my General category doesn't led me to IIT's, I got an admission in IIIT and she got an admission in a NIT.
At very first year of my BTech, I proposed her crossing my fear and anxiety but ended up in rejection. She said that I don't have any interest in relationships and just said no. I can't digest the fact that digest me. I got so down, I cried. I am unable to focus on my studies well, I am unable to interact with other girls of my college due to my introvert nature. Looking at me, Some of my girl batchmates even tried to help me to make me feel comfortable to speak with them but I am unable to achieve that.
Now! Whenever I see my friends who goes to trips with their friends, besties and girlfriends I always felt like I messed up my whole teenage.
Currently regretting about it and Just focusing on trying to do something that benefits me and my family
This how my teenage went! Even now I feel too difficult to interact with girls. Still trying to figure out, how to cross this barrier that I built upon myself! Hope I would cross it some day! I need to cross it, to SURVIVE!! ð