My mom (49F) read my journal (21F) and now everyone is worried about me

I’m not a troubled teenager, I’m not living with my parents, and I don’t act out in any way. I’m saying that to put this into perspective that I’m not some troubled teen who behaves in a way that would tempt their parents to read through their journal. I am a 21 year old woman, about to graduate with my BBA in a few months, pays my own rent, has a job, in a serious relationship, etc. My mom has broken my trust on several occasions during my youth. My mom believes she is entitled to everything I do, my secrets, my personal life, because she brought me into this world. She pitches a fit when I don’t tell her private details about my relationship, and is obsessed over my virginity and if I have “given” it to my boyfriend or not. Well, I guess she knows the answer to that now because she read my journal a few months back and I had no idea.

In November, I had no job, no money, was doing bad in school, and was dealing with tons of anxiety related to my living situation/paying rent/my future/ the works. I have a very strange relationship with the concept of death and usually use the idea of ending my own life to motivate myself to live my life to the fullest. “If you knew your life would end in a year, what would you change today?”, think that type of motivation but a little darker. I was so depressed that I figured I would plan how I would end my life (in my journal) and make it so realistic that it would force me to make changes. I wrote down who I would give my belongings to when I did it, what the best moments of my life were, etc. If you were a parent and read this about your child, you would be mortified. However, my parents don’t understand that I just have a strange way of thinking, and obviously took my planned date of December 31st way too seriously. I understand that this is not a healthy way of going about your life, I’m not looking for mental health advice, I know I have a strange way of looking at things. But at the end of the day this is MY journal for ME. Not for my parents, not for my sister, not for my boyfriend.

I keep my journal in a “secret” (very hidden away) part of my backpack. I take my backpack everywhere, I take my journal everywhere. I visited my parents over the holidays and went to go hangout with my boyfriend, so I assume this is when my mom took her chance and read through the whole thing. My mom, mortified, told my dad, and my dad, mortified, called my older sister, 30F. I love my sister and I tell her everything about my life. She has always been my favorite person, and she knows how I am. She knows I’m very dramatic and would never hurt myself. She calmed my dad down and told him that I didn’t really mean it and he should not worry, but maybe he should be kinder and less hard on me. I now know that this was the reason my dad randomly sent me a lot of money over the holidays, to try and ease my anxiety about paying rent/not having a job. I feel embarrassed and I hate when people worry about me. My dad phrased this as me leaving a “suicide note” which scared my sister really bad, but they did not mention that it was NOT a suicide note, it was a journal entry not meant for anyone to know about.

Around this time, my mom told me in the car that she “knows what I have done” and my “future husband” will not respect me because I am no longer a virgin. I thought it was weird. I’ve never told my mom I’m having sex. Her confidence in “knowing” what I have done made me raise an eyebrow, did she go through my texts? Did she overhear a phone call? As you have probably guessed, I talk about sex in my journal a lot, and now I’m putting the pieces together and obviously she read my journal. I’m frustrated, annoyed, embarrassed, pretty much anything you could think of. My trust in my mom is broken and I don’t know what to do. I can imagine a “you should have never brought your journal to your parents house” comment, which is annoying because even I didn’t think my mom would stoop to this level.

I don’t want to bring this up with my parents, however, because my sister trusted me by telling me about her and my dads phone call and I don’t want to rehash the situation and/or break my sisters trust. I guess I just want to tell people about this story since I am very frustrated.

TLDR; my mom read my journal, found a pseudo-suicide entry, and now it’s awkward.