My husband came home so drunk last night and I’m so mad.

My (30F) husband (34M) and I have had a rocky last few years where my husband doesn’t keep his word about things. He has a history of lying about random things and then being extremely dismissive towards my feelings when I express how triggering and hurtful it is to me.

We have started going to couples therapy and it’s been going decently well. I feel like we’ve made a bit of progress and I’m really doing my part to try and trust him. That is until last night.

We are practicing “dry January” together (not drinking for the entire month of January). My husband had started drinking a few glasses of wine 5-6 nights out of the week before bed. Nothing crazy or like completely alcoholic, but just a bit more than he felt was healthy. I was drinking a glass or two of wine 3-4 nights a week; and same thing, nothing crazy but I just wanted to try and stop drinking as often to lose weight and make healthier choices. Things were going well and we had not had anything to drink at all until last night. He got a text from a coworker asking if he wanted to go out.

He initially said no, but he never goes out so I actually encouraged him to go. Him having some time with friends is something I try to encourage and is something we’ve talked about in couples therapy. I told him the next day we can resume with dry January and it’s not that big of a deal.

I said “go have fun with your friends but please don’t get super drunk or anything. Just have a few drinks for 1) because we are struggling financially right now and 2) because you will be driving home and I want you to be safe” I actually reiterated to have a few drinks but not get drunk af like 3-4 times. He assured me over and over he would be responsible about it.

He leaves at 9:45 to go out. I literally watched a movie and just tried to give him space to have fun for a while. Around 12:45am I asked when he planned on coming home (not angrily, just curious) and did not receive a response. That’s when I started getting irritable because he can’t stay off of his phone when he’s around me, but he’s out drinking and all of a sudden doesn’t check his phone for over an hour? He finally responds he is on the way home around 2:30am.

He gets home and climbs into bed and he reeks so badly. I genuinely thought maybe he spilled alcohol on his clothes because of how strong the smell is. I can tell he is super drunk and I ask how much he drank. He said “a couple”. He kept refusing to tell me a number of drinks. He finally says he had 3 drinks. Then I ask how much he spent and he says “about $50”.

I instantly was pissed for so many reasons. 3 drinks doesn’t cost $50. (not at this shitty little karaoke bar anyways) We don’t have the money to spend $50 to go drink like that and he knows that. He told me he wasn’t going to drink that much.

Then I check the bank app, he spent $86 dollars. Not $50.

I’m so frustrated I asked if he would sleep on the couch because he smelled so bad and it was going to give me a migraine. He very pettily said “no”. I tried to ask again to let him know “hey seriously that smell is going to make my head hurt and I don’t think it’s fair that you chose to drink that much and you’re expecting me to be the one to sleep on the couch. will you please sleep on the couch?” to which he once again said no.

We argued for a minute and then I went and laid on the couch while he peacefully fell asleep in our bed. I finally fall asleep and then I wake up 30-40 minutes later to him slamming the back door shut. I was very confused why he just randomly woke up and went outside like that (he doesn’t smoke or anything). I asked why he went outside and he said he was peeing. WTF?? We have 2 bathrooms in our house???

I just lost it. Not only did he come home drunk af, spend all our money, and then refused to sleep on the couch for one night since he stunk.. but then he slams the back door and wakes me up after I finally fall asleep doing some weird drunk shit.

He told me I’m psychotic for being upset with him. That I’m being ridiculous and he didn’t care.

This morning he is still being a jerk and dismissive. He is still saying I’m psychotic and says he did nothing wrong.

Am I being too dramatic? I’m very upset and hurt but he is making me feel like I have no right to be angry and he did nothing wrong.