conflicted & contradicted (sos)

hello hello r/LivingAlone ! i need some guidance from you folk. please help a girl out ;,) what do i do?

last year i went to school and moved away with some roomates and hated it solely for the reason that my roomate was bipolar and noncompliant with her meds. it was horrible and ill leave it at that. after a year i moved back in with my mother and its been okay, but i do miss buying my own groceries, having time for myself, etc. i love being here! its more so i miss the freedom i had when being on my own.

i am now 19 and i nailed an incredibly paying job being a first responder in the metro. i want to move out. but i am sorry i HATE spending money. it is one of my absolute biggest 'anxietys'. i feel as tho i can't justify moving out to just be 5 minutes closer to work for a trade 1,000$ a month for rent. something about that disturbs me deeply, and i could be putting that money elsewhere.

luckily, my stepdad lives 30min from work south, and i could move there, but i feel as though its the same deal, he just wont be there as much. nor will i be able to say this 'space' is truely mine, but at least i get more space to practice the art of 'slow living', as i've seen you guys value so much.

i miss some responsibility.

i know deep down i truely do need to get away. and so my question/advice i need is where do i go? i will for warn you i am very STUBBORN when it comes to money. sorry ;,( i don't like it either.