Reality is hitting me hard

Damn ik the reality ki logh 650+ laye huye bethe hain!!! Yk 600+ 80K + bhut logh mujhse zyada padhebhi honge logh jinke 450+ aye the and we all know kitna asaan hota hain 450- 600 ke baad rank push krna... What have I done? This year jo pichle saalo main nahi kiya?

... Why I don't just give up idk.. Maybe because of that promise or hope... Idk bhai ek toh main average se bhi battar tha 11th 12th main scored 13 /70 in chem 23/70 in phys 12th toh modi ji ki wjah se pass hua 1 saal mera personal reason ki wjah se drop tha (2021 can't even share it online ) neet was not my priority kabhi nahi thi... 2022 main I just idk why I jumped in this swamp Thou I'm in third year of BA now and I'm in comparatively better position than a dropper jisne 5 saal khtm kr diye ho But neet main selection chaiye yrr...

What did I do? Syllabus completion 90% hua hain bas... 12th organic ke 3 ch +equilibrium Optics+ modern bacha hain... Revision maine 12 jan se chalu kia Test ke liye One shot dekhe.. Short notes banaya Dumb me mujhe sawal lagane chaiye the.. Why I'm like this yaar .. Mereko toh nahi lagta kal ke mock main mere 350 se zyada bhi ayenge... Formula hi nahi yaad arhe... Chem ke... What do i do man Focus on bio Humesha isko last ke liye kyu chodhta hu.. Bhai my competitor's are way ahead of me.... Mocks diye hain unhone Mera pehla mock hain jo main apni life main sincerely dunga.... Neet main bhi i think so meri kismat tukka aur basic ata tha isliye 480 the idk man ... Maybe I'm just lying to myself ki i can Maybe what my sister says is true.. I'm worthless

Yk guyz besharam hu main kasm se.. Koi aur hota toh give up maardia hota idk why I'm like this... But i won't give up yeh sala anime wali ideology ghuss gyi hain.... Maybe I can I can I can... Can I? Idk mann

What to do next? Can I still get gmc I'm not on level zero but I ain't some topper jo sabhkuch mugup karleta hain

Lastly I WON'T FUKIN GIVE UP No matter main kitna ganda krun paper kalka