He thinks things are getting “better” I’m just waiting for the apartments in town to have an opening and I’m gone
I gave him 9 months, the plan was a year but I can’t stomach it anymore. He’s been miserable, mean, ruins every holiday, anniversary and birthday that isn’t his. I told myself last march after another set of awful holidays filled with being yelled at for everything and anything, that if my life looked the same a year from now it was over. And I told him, I gave him an exact timeline and told him what I needed to stay.
- a not ruined birthday. One birthday that he doesn’t have an attitude or a meltdown or misery because it’s not what he wants to do.
-an anniversary. 9 years together and other than the 1-3 year anniversary dinners that I planned we’ve never had an anniversary date. Not even a card for a year of marriage.
-not to be yelled at. Especially over things I have nothing to do with.
-a date night. Once every 3 months at least. (Total to date is 0)
I actually had a weekend getaway and date night planned for our last anniversary but he behaved so horribly the week before that (destroyed the interior of my car in a fit of rage) that I canceled it. Couldn’t bare to look at him.
Now I asked for 2 reasonably priced Christmas items, with exact links in November. I buy for everyone (all 3 kids) and foot the bill for it all. I reminded him at least 3 times of the note I sent him for Christmas for me. Since I buy for everyone else and I really don’t have a $100 to spare for myself.
It’s now 2 days to Christmas and he’s stomping around and mad and “not in the Christmas spirit” so my guess is he didn’t get me anything and wants me to be too intimidated by his mood to bring it up… predictable moves at this stage in the game.
Well, he’s gotten what he wants from me. I’ll even still let him fuck me if he wants to. And I don’t say a word to him that isn’t provoked in conversation. He thinks we are great. But all my free time in my mind is full of planning and daydreaming about a new life and a new love one day. Just someone kind. I’ve definitely tried hard enough here.