Parenting as a Millennial is a surreal mix of familiar and dystopian

My kids' childhoods on one hand have a healthy dose of 80s nostalgia, and on the other hand seem set against the backdrop of the collapse of advanced society.

• They'll belt out The Mathematics of Love from Square One and wake up to Brand New Day from Rainbow Brite.
• We take them to amusements parks on a regular basis, where they ride the kiddie coasters that haven't been maintained since the 80s, eat copious fried dough and overpriced french fries, and insist on taking the skyway.
• They'll build pillow forts and hidden warrens throughout the house, with more pillows and toys than we ever had because cheap Chinese labor.
• MarioKart is still a thing, and still just as popular at aftercare. "Mario & Bowser" is a playground game now. It's Sharks and Minnows with Nintendo-branded characters.
• Pokemon is also still going strong. My kid leaves his cards everywhere. Occasionally his friends leave their cards at our house too.
• They still play board games. The selection of board games is way better than we had growing up, even for kids. All sorts of titles you can order off the Internet, while we were limited to what we could get at the toy store.
• They still read Dr. Seuss before bedtime.
• Playdates still happen. Kids will come over, be rowdy, make a lot of noise, tear up the living room and rebuild it as a giant pillow fort, have lunch, and then go home.
• They still have school theater performances that we (and most of the other parents) do our best to attend.

But then...

• My kids get upset when forced to watch live TV. They can't fathom the idea of not being able to control what's on TV or watch the same show 5 times.
• My wife is on the school safety council. She joined so she could learn what the evacuation routes are in the event of a school shooting or terrorist attack.
• My preschooler has active shooter drills.
• One entire class (1/3 of the school) in preschool is set aside for kids with food allergies. They have little red placemats with stickers for their allergens so that the teachers know what not to give them. On the plus side, with OIT peanut allergies are now curable.
• The kids say weird things like "Skibidy Ohio Rizz". If you probe more deeply (or watch an improv comedy sketch put on by 5th graders), they are weirdly self-aware about how strange they seem, and are doing it solely to troll Zoomers.
• Every roof leaks. Our home leaks. My younger kid's preschool leaks. My older kid's aftercare building leaks. The principal is out there before school starts sweeping a flood away from the stairs leading to school, and calling contractors to deal with the mudslide.
• One of our college-aged babysitters has more trouble reading The Lorax than my 1st grader does.
• Another of our college-aged babysitters routinely carries test strips for roofies and fentanyl around with her, as well as Narcan. First semester at college and there's already been an overdose on her floor.
• Most of my kids' friends are renters, and it's unclear whether they'll be able to stay in the area with perpetually rising rents.
• My older kid is very aware of the Ukraine War going on, and has classmates that are Russian and Ukrainian refugees. His imaginary play often consists of dropping nuclear bombs on his brother.
• Our conversations before deciding to have kids included things like "If things are going to be so bad for the next generation, why even have kids?" and "Things are going to be great for the next generation, because they'll be so few of them reaching adulthood that they'll face less competition for resources. We just need to make sure they survive to get there." We regularly express gratitude that we're too old to be drafted and our kids will likely be too young.