Self Worth goes a long way

I want to preface this with, I have been there. Everything I am about to say has applied to me in the past and I still struggle with this. I am empathetic to this issue but at some point, you gotta go within.

Some of the posts in the main nanny sub are nannies detailing the most unhealthy, toxic, sometimes abusive work environments and treatment from their NF. The posters will ask for advice and people will say something along the lines of “these people have shown you who they are”, “it will not get better, choose yourself” etc. These posters often respond with “but I love the kids so much” or something along those lines.

The reality of the situation is, those are not your kids. Regardless of how long you have known them, they are not yours. And your NPs can fire you at any moment for any reason. They can choose to prevent you from saying goodbye. They can choose to block you and you could possibly never see those children again. These people trauma dump the most awful, inhumane treatment, and expect the other sub users to have some magical advice that will result in them getting treated better. It is not possible. No one except yourself can demand humane treatment. No one except yourself can set strict boundaries. No one except yourself can choose you first. If people treat you poorly and you allow it, they will continue.

I completely understand situations in which people can’t leave immediately. Especially with live ins or people in areas with few job opportunities. I get it. Trust me, I understand the pain of living in a capitalistic society. We have to eat. We have to work. But we do not have to be abused.

I left a live in nanny situation with no backup plan and stayed on someone’s couch because I realized that the stress from being dehumanized could actually kill me. I’m not exaggerating, stress kills. Not being respected or recognized as human can result in illness, mental and physical. It was the most “irresponsible” decision I had ever made in my adult life. And it wasn’t necessarily a smooth road after, but I got through it.

I’m not trying to say people do not have a right to vent. They do. But asking for advice and then proceeding to defend your NPs saying “well they’re not that bad” or “I like when we have small talk and I love the kids” is bananas to me.

Again, I understand financial struggles but outside of that, it comes down to self worth and self love. I really hope a lot of these nannies being mistreated, thinking they have to accept it, realize there ARE good NPs out here. It took FOUR tries for me to find a great NF who do the things I always deserved, like respect me as a human, for example.

To the nannies who feel like they won’t find or don’t deserve better, please look inward. Love yourself. Stop using someone else’s children as an excuse to be abused. I wish everyone luck, truly.